Abyss

Copyright – E.A. Wicklund

Copyright – E.A. Wicklund

ABYSS

Tom stood at the edge of the cliff and was so fascinated by the fight of two seagulls that he didn´t hear Dorothy coming.

“Trauma-overcoming” he had named this journey. Dorothy never wanted to rent a villa with pool, but as always she could not prevail.

“There is a cover for the pool”, he`d laughed, “I`ll swim and then close the cover, I swear!”

After they had found Tammy, Dorothy was stumbling through the garden, carrying the dead child in her arms.

“I didn`t want to come back,” she whispered.

The seagulls fluttered away frightened when the two bodies crashed on the beach.

103 words – and it was hard to get it down to 103!

Part of this story really happened in the villa next to us on Mallorca/Spain few weeks before we where there with our little son. Our landlord told us the mother stumbled through the garden with the child and was not able to accept that her little girl died.So in my head since then is the image of the  mother with the dead child in her arms and it never left me –   this story maybe was also for me a kind of Trauma-overcoming (this word I created because I could not find anything matching)

28 Gedanken zu „Abyss

  1. I would never have guessed English is not your first language. I liked your story, though sad. (Seeing previous comment) I was born and lived in West Virginia for 20 years. There is much natural beauty there.

    Liken

  2. a good story, made even better in a second language. When you use „was/had [something]“ is makes the verb and sentence passive. You can find words and make your sentences more powerful by removing passive verbs. ie after they had found … after they found, or was stumbling … stumbled …

    these are just ideas, but this was a very sad piece. – bw

    Liken

    • Dear Bill, thanks for your helpful comment! The difficulty in my story is, that the couple comes to the same place a second time, the accident happened in the last holidays. Dorothy remembers what he said (he promised to close the poolcover but he didn´t and the girl died because she slipped under it) So I wanted to put this part of the story further „back“ to make clear that it didn´t happen in the „newer“ past. What do you think? Is that clear for a native English speaker? It´s hard for me to estimate that, sometimes I poke in my „100-words-soup“ and don´t find the right grammar 🙂

      Liken

    • Aloha Doug! Each week I learn so much of you all, and even if I puzzle over some sentences for minutes and read stories again and again it´s so much fun. Already I feel at home here in your group!
      Thanks a lot!
      Carmen

      Liken

  3. Well done. You do exceptionally well in a language that is not your native tongue. And the challenge of getting the story down to around 100 words at the same time… words fail me!

    Liken

  4. That would be a difficult experience to let go!!

    If you don’t mind a few small things, „was so fascinated of the fight of“ should be „by the fight“; „villa“ doesn’t take a capital letter; „“I swim and then“ would be „I’ll swim…“.

    janet

    Liken

    • When I heard that story I imagined how the mother felt…and I thought it must hard to live with somebody who didnt´t close the poolcover and at least that was the reason for the death of the child. The story was in my mind since then. Sometimes little things cause big catastrophes.

      Liken

    • yes it did, sometimes is having a lot of fantasy not such a mercy…over the years I had different ideas for the story, but to put it in the corset of 100 words and leave most of the story to those who read it was really a challenge. Thank you for reading and for your comment!

      Liken

      • you are right Dawn – you live in wonderful place just checked your fb page!
        Almost heaven, West Virginia
        Blue Ridge Mountains
        Shenandoah River –
        Life is old there
        Older than the trees
        Younger than the mountains
        Growin‘ like a breeze

        is one of my alltime favorite songs…West Virginia will be one of the places I gonna visit in this life.

        Liken

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